“Be generous because you want to be generous, not because it will make people like you more – because it probably won’t.”
~ Nick Savoy, President of Love Systems
I’ve heard the phrase “nice guys finish last” more times than I can remember.
Five years ago, back when I thought of myself as a “nice guy”, I would often end up in a bout of self-righteous fury when a woman I was nice to would not reciprocate my “kindness” by liking me.
How could she blow me off after I had catered to her every need?
How come she kept telling me, “Rahul you’re a nice guy, but we’re just friends and I don’t think of you that way”?
It made no sense to me. I couldn’t understand why a girl would pass on me, a super nice guy, in favor of a sub-par guy who was almost always a big jerk.
Nice = Needy
For a long time (18 years) I clung to the idea that being a “nice” guy was the right way to be. If women couldn’t appreciate it, then that was their fault, not mine. Maintaining this perspective sucked, but at least my pride was still intact.
When I look back on that time in my life, I feel a great deal of appreciation and sympathy toward the man I used to be.
Rahul of five years past had no idea that instead of being “nice” he was actually being needy. By giving women whatever he thought they wanted he was subtly trying to manipulate them into liking him.
Unfortunately, women are a bit more intuitive than I knew at the time, and my manipulative tactics were in fact not so subtle. My neediness was apparent, and as a result, women I liked were turned off instantly.
If only I had known that while nice (needy) guys do indeed finish last, good guys finish first.
The Difference that Makes the Difference
What’s the difference between a nice guy and a good guy?
The good guy gives simply because he is a good person, not because he is trying to make people (especially women) like him.
He doesn’t say or do anything hoping to elicit a specific response within a woman. Instead, he gives from a place of authenticity and detachment because that’s just his nature.
Motive is everything. A perceptive woman can see right through any facades a man is putting up and sense his true motive right away. The “nice guy” façade is the most common one in the book, and a woman can see it for what it is from a mile away.
Becoming the Good Guy
If in this moment you are realizing you are a nice guy, fret not. Awareness is the first step toward manifesting the change you desire (in this case, making the transition to a good guy).
Become aware of your motives when interacting with a woman. Notice the reason why you are paying her a compliment, for example. Is your desire to do so coming from a place of authenticity, or are you trying to manipulate her into feeling a certain way about you?
Remember, motive is everything.
As you observe your needy ways you may eventually reach a point where you’re so disgusted with yourself that your natural response will be to resist the person you are (I know I certainly did).
This is a precarious state of mind to be in, and if you arrive here it is absolutely crucial that you accept yourself as you are at that moment. Do not resist, because by doing so you perpetuate and strengthen your self-loathing state of mind indefinitely.
Self-acceptance and self-forgiveness are key. You are exactly where you need to be to have the profound realizations you are about to have. You are perfect as you are.
As you continue to apply awareness to your interactions with women, your motives will progressively purify because you will be shining the light of your consciousness on your devious (yet subconscious) “nice guy” ways.
Once you arrive at this stage, it’s only a matter of time before you’re coming from a place of total authenticity and true power in your interactions with women.
The Journey Continues
You may have finish reading this article and say to yourself, “I’m not a “nice” guy; women are attracted to me, so this doesn’t apply to me.”
Awesome! You’re further along in your development than many men.
You’re not done yet, however.
The journey toward becoming a Superior Man (one of his characteristics is that he’s a good guy) is a never-ending process of evolution. Constantly utilize your awareness to shine the light of your consciousness on any manipulative tactics you may be relying on to control women.
I’m still having realizations to this day, and I know they’re going to keep on coming for a long time.
Always remain open to seeing yourself in a new way, gentlemen, and at the end of the day you will be a much better person because of it. When you can do this, attracting high quality women into your life will just be a byproduct of the authentic and powerful man you have become.
Photo by FireFawkes